I will give you a reminder, because you already have all the tools in you to live a pleasant life. Can reclaim them when you remember them again.
When entering into a relationship, there is the intention to make something beautiful out of it. To live happily and connected.
Then it is good to realize that after the infatuation period in which we are very open to each other, the old patterns from the past can resurface in the present. These automatic patterns have given a form of survival in short periods.
If you observe in the background that contact is not going well. Then focus. What is needed is “to be aware of what you are doing in the here and now”. If you see clearly what the relationship patterns are in the now, you can make choices. Intimate relationships don’t end because of a lack of love. They end through depolarization or the sensitive exchange that is disrupted by entrenched reactions.
A relationship is always from the heart and that requires the language of the heart. What makes the relationship ecstatic are the differences. If expectations creep into the contact and the exchange disrupts, suffering will ensue. Appreciation can arise when suffering ends. Suffering comes from loss of loss, less, never. In suffering, being attractive is absent.
Irritation, frustration, emotional accumulation of events arises, the mountain keeps getting bigger. From the accumulation there is an overreaction to small events.
If you are going to label the other then you come into the head and the relationship dies. So get out of your mind and into your heart. You can feel resistance and you can feel that this is you.
In the relationship, make the other feel important to you.
We need willingness and receptivity to see our own part in what we do. To reflect on ourselves. To see what we do or don’t do. Recognize feelings of resistance, resentment, rejection, repression, resentment. Take responsibility. Be honest with ourselves.
Start with I love you. Forgive me. Look into each other’s eyes.
That cannot be done by mind, but by giving words to feeling in the situation here and now and to what is happening in you;
Emotions orient us to what is doing in our lives. Friendship with your body, your way of being.
We can train relational skills more on average.
At the moment of the corona period I do the relationship sessions via ZOOM. Also individual or group consultations.
Start speaking again in the I-form from your own perception within yourself. Be aware that speaking in the negative you form can feel like an attack on the other.
Unique and inspiring Gestalt weekends are planned again in 2021 France and the Netherlands at Easter plus Gestalt weeks France / Thailand are planned in this new year 2021. Depending on the Covid developments. Request dates.
My name is Evert van der Weide, I have lived in France for 12 years and I now have 41 years of experience as a Gestalt therapist. I work with individual, relationship conversations, supervision and I work with Gestaltweekend / Gestaltweek training courses in the Netherlands, France and Thailand.
My inspirers are Fritz and Laura Perls, Gendlin, Pierro Ferrucci, Assaggioli, Anthony Robbins, Carl Rogers, Walter Kempler (relationship therapy) and Alexander Lowen. I am passionate about the possibilities for personal growth for every person in the current moment of now in this life.
Ask for info or make an appointment by e-mail email@example.com with name, address and telephone.
If you first want a conversation and clarity in what currently best suits your need for supervision support, you can make an appointment for an introductory meeting in Treignat or via video calling (skype, whats app, messenger, zoom)
See you soon and a human touch,
For your inspiration: About family therapy by Walter Kempler: